i need somebody, not just anybody

help

Wake up

Shower

Dress

Driving into work

Contemplating driving off of the thruway or running away on way to work

Arriving at work

Waiting 8 minutes for the g.d. elevator to reach the ground floor from the fourth floor (this is not an exaggeration of wait time)

Arrive at desk

Contemplating jumping out window at sight of desk

Listen to co-worker tell me they “beat me” or I “beat them” (based on arrival time, very very annoying)

Go to get coffee, there is either:
 a. no coffee, need to make more
 b. cold coffee, need to make more
 c. a full pot of coffee

After getting coffee, sit at desk, take sip of coffee, and remember coffee at work is terrible

Check email, cnn.com, local news website, various time wasting websites, basically any website allowed access too and that’s not restricted under the following categories:
 a. Denied Access for Streaming Internet Radio
 b. Denied Access for Pornography (example of such website, youtube.com)
 c. Denied Access for Personals/Dating 
 d. Denied Access for Games/Entertainment
Also there is no flash program on work computer

(This means I compulsively check email all day)

Try to make three minutes of work last forty hours, this in itself is very hard work

Contemplate jumping out window, in front of traffic and running away 1,908 times every two hours for five days a week for 9 hours (Yes nine hours, mandatory hour lunch, but the good part is there are no restaurants or cafeteria of sorts within reasonable location of work, only food available is a vending machine)

Stare down clock until it reads five.

Run out door to car.

Fly home.

Few hours spare time.

Go to bed.

Wake up start over.

Continue previous day’s activities of nothing.

I call Atticus.
He had been golfing since 10:30 in the morning, which means he had been drinking since about 11am. (It was 10:30). He put in a long shift.
He answers “Hey baby, what are you doing? Can you pick me up maybe?”
Atticus is adorable to me no matter what or how mad I get at him or if we get into a fight. He’s just as cute as a button.
Just to update on my excursion so far. Drinks and pipe dreams with crazy Miss Scarlett, picking up drunk Sally and Heidi, on the way to pick up drunk Atticus, with drunk Sally tailing me back to my apartment. (She refused to leave her car and insisted she was fine to drive).
I’ve now turned into a drunk body collector.
I pick up Atticus. We all go back to my apartment. We start drinking and are trying to figure out what to do. Suddenly Atticus says he’ll be right back he has to go pick up his dad. He just leaves. Now that made me mad. He was clearly drunk and drove. Whenever I drive after drinking he gets so angry, but he thinks he’s invincible and can do what he wants.
So he leaves. Sally and I take a few hits from the bong to mellow out. My sister, Lily, and her boyfriend Dan come over. We are hanging out trying to decide whether to go to a bar or to our one friend’s party. Suddenly Atticus returns with his cousin and invite us over to his house for a bonfire.
Everyone was a little iffy about it because it was just Atticus’s family. He insists that they all coem and holy shit. Was it a slop fest. Atticus’s dad and aunt were slurring their words and dancing by the time we got there and the rest of us weren’t too far behind.
After Atticus’s dad falls into the fire pit we decided to call it a night since it was about 4 in the morning at this point. Somehow we got everyone home safely and Atticus and I hit up the slime line for some Texas hots and fries.
That is one of my favorite things in the world. To go out with Atticus and end up sitting across from him and then end up sleeping next to him. xoxo

Nights like that remind me of Lua by Bright Eyes.
“What was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane”

I call Sally. She’s with her cousin Heidi, at some guys house. Heidi drove there, but she was passed out on the couch, and Sally didn’t know anyone else there and it was all guys.
Fine. “Alright I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
I get to the house and call Sally, ten minutes later she stumbles out to the car, with an almost empty bottle of vodka. Sally gets in and slurs, “Joe won’t help me carry Heidi to the car. You gotta come in and help me. She’s passed out on the couch.”
I was not exactly happy about having to go retrieve Sally and Heidi. First off, they were only there for an hour and a half, and they were smashed. Secondly I was no where near my apartment. Thirdly this was not a once in a while incident. More like once a week incident. Not to mention the fact that I wanted to go into some strangers house to carry out the drunk girl.
We go back inside and I really wanted to kill Sally. There were maybe six guys there and that was it. Sally is tried waking her up and then tried picking her up, both of which were unsuccessful. Suddenly Heidi wakes up and refuses to leave, or she’ll leave if she can drive her car home. All the while, one of the stupid moron drunk guys is standing next to me and telling us to stay because it’s Saturday night and we should stay with them and party. I’m pretty sure if I would have had one drink we would have all been gang banged. I just got this creepy feeling from these dudes. 
Anyhow, somehow we are now walking out to my car, Heidi is barefoot and insisting she’s driving her car home. Sally gives Heidi her keys. I am furious so I throw my hands in the air, and start to walk to my car. Sally is able to recognize the emotion of anger I am displaying  and gets Heidi to get into my car and promises her they can get her car first thing in the morning.

All I’m going to say is that Sally is lucky I was pretty baked over for the ordeal.

Back in my car I check my phone again. Text from Atticus: hey babloev wgat are you doign?

Saturday Night, 7pm. I receive a phone call from Scarlett, a lady, let me re-phrase a crazy woman I used to work with at the Pancake House. She asked me to meet her for a few drinks and catch up. Since I was in the neighborhood I figured why not. I arrived at the bar to Scarlett, who had been there for an hour and a half, just took her anti-depressants as well as two speed pills. Not to mention she chain smoke Marb Red’s like a convict. (She might have been at one point in her life). So anyhow, I hadn’t talked to her or seen her in 6 months give or take. She was all over the map.
Scarlett’s short profile: She is in her 40’s (mentally though, I’d say she’s 16), she has three kids, she is from California, has done time in jail for stabbing her long term boyfriend when they were younger, she’s modeled for Vogue supposedly when she was 17 or 18, and she has done every drug known to man. I guess the best way to describe her is burn out.
After a an hour or so, we both wanted to leave. We walked out to the parking lot and she asks if I’d like to smoke before going. “I brought some green in case you came” she said. So we are blazing in her blazer and she just starts talking a mile a minute. She starts saying how she’s glad her guy is out of town so she won’t have to worry about having sex that night and giving him a blow job. “It’s such a workout”. I agree, it is. Then she says “And don’t expect me to swallow that shit every fucking time. That’s like a once in a lifetime thing, alright maybe 4, alright I’ve done it six times. But Jesus, their stuff is disgusting and gross.” At this point I’m laughing so hard from the sheer insanity of her conversation she is carrying on with herself.  
We chill for a minute then her phone rings. “Hi baby, Mommy will be home in a minute. I’m hungry, what should we get to eat? McDonald’s? Alright I’ll be home in 15 minutes.” Scarlett was talking to her 9 year old daughter. She turns to me “Alright Jess, I gotta get going. I have to get Brittany a happy meal. Call me sometime will ya.”
We say our good-bye’s. I get in my car and check my phone. Text from Sally: Can you pick me up please I’m hammered. 

My alarm went of at 6:04, I hit snooze. I wish I hadn’t. I had a terrible nightmare.

I don’t recall exactly everything that happened. It was different than most dreams I have. Everything was spaced out and really strange.

The first thing I remember is walking behind this plaza thing, and the ground was flooded with water that was about thigh high. There were these guys back there cleaning up the trash and I told them I needed to get bees (I hate bees). They filled up this brown paper bag with bees and I started walking back towards the front of the plaza. As I am walking I notice all these posters. They reminded me of WWII propoganda except it was a man dressed like a black panther on the poster. It was pouring rain and I started running and dropped the big bag full of bees. I don’t remember what happens next but I ended up at my relatives house. My cousins who live in Texas were there and their mom. I had to pee really bad in my dream and I asked my aunt where the bathroom is, she pointed to the back and said it’s the only door on the left. I walk into the room and it was completely full of garbage. It wasn’t even a bathroom. I was trying to figure out where the toilet was when my cousins walked in and started going in this toy box thing. Then they told me my uncle was home and I should go see him ( I probably haven’t seen him in 8 years and wasn’t about to go talk to him). Then suddenly everything changed and I was on the side of the road with my boyfriend, Atticus. It was pouring rain and something happened to him but he was laying there dying. I was just balling trying to find someone to help and out of nowhere I was suddenly in this old warehouse, but I wasn’t actually present, I was just watching this gang and they were robbing this guy who happend to be my old friend Dylan. Suddenly there was a storm of bullets and they shot him. Then as soon as he was shot I appeared in the scene and ran over to Dylan. He was trying to make jokes and ask me dumb questions. Then it was like I kept getting spun around or something because one second I was holding onto Atticus crying and the next I was holding onto Dylan crying.

The whole thing that is also so crazy to me is that when I woke back up it was only 7:02. It’s just crazy how I could go the entire night without recalling a single dream, but in between alarms I had this awful nightmare.

People who work in an office setting should be able to relate to this, I feel like office characteristics are pretty universal.

Irritating things your irritating co-workers do:

If you’re start time is 8am and you’ve been coming in at 7am instead (so as to leave earlier), and people stop over at your desk and pretend to check their wristwatch, or ask if you are feeling okay, or just act completely stunned at your early morning arrival.
Yes I’m here get over it.
Then there’s always the silent unmentioned competition between those others that do arrive at the old time you used to come in (i.e. the other “8 o’clockers”). Some people act like you are somehow beating them at a game when you are here before them.
It’s really quite irritating after about 8 months of employment.

eight might be one of the weirdest words ever.
atticus snores really loud.
it’s a full moon behind a cloudy night.
my mom made me (4m’s) heavenly chocolate brownies, with home-made batter.
by the bed.
not the brownies, they were on the table, by the bed is the name of the song that’s on.
isn’t it weird to sometimes think about all the stuff in your room/apartment/house/cave (in case batman is reading this) and wonder if it a) even exists, b) if so what’s its purpose, and c) i wish i watching cool runnings.
yule brenner
the traffic doesn’t stop ever. i wonder who drives these cars?
i’m going to go brush my teeth.
is he mad ?
something IS wrong.
i feel it.
done. for that fresh clean feeling…
how do you do what you do to me do to me
i feel like a petting zoo at a zoo, no one goes there or has any interest in the petting zoo. who wants to pet a goat when they can see a gorilla or a polar bear? i might stop in to pet a baby pig or deer if they had any at that time but that’s not likely. it’ usually boring ugly farm animals in their 30’s.
i think tomorrow at work i will just say one word over and over and pretend like i’m talking correctly and look appauled when everyone looks at me funny. for example: pretend the only word i would say all day was lumber. “hey jessie octopus, how’s it going today?” said the anonymous co-worker. “lumber lumber, lumber. lumber lumber?” i said (with the appropriate voice inflections and hand gestures).
i hope i figure out things (and not just lumber).
lumber lumber (good night)

My sister and I sat by the creek at my parents house and smoked. No one else was home and wouldn’t be back for a few hours, so it was the perfect start for the night. After the effects started to set in, we walked back to the house and I decided to start some laundry. I removed the clothes from the washing machine and after sniffing the pants that I pissed the night before, I decided to send them into the wash a second time. (The night before I was at my boyfriend’s parents house and we were up until 5am drinking, and I woke up at 9:30 to discover that I had peed my pants. This was a tricky situation, for one there was the obvious embarrassment factor. As I sat there in a drunken panicked stupor I could hear his mom, Roxanne, in the kitchen getting coffee. I ran downstairs to use the bathroom to conclude I had indeed pissed my pants. On a side note, I had on really dark jeans so luckily no one could tell that my bladder had not made it through the night. I went back upstairs, and Roxanne offered me a lift home, since my boyfriend, Atticus, was still in a coma from the night’s previous partying. This was one of the most tense car rides I’d ever been on. I was dripping an alcohol loaded sweat, and not paying attention to anything Roxeanne was saying. I was just praying she didn’t catch a wiff of the pee-pants. Thank god for the warm weather, because the windows were down, and Roxanne had fish fries the night before and the car smelled like fish, rather than urine. And that is why I had to wash my jeans twice).

I’ve only peed my pants one other time (while drunk, in childhood who knows, I wasn’t called Rubber Sheets McPeepants up until 8th grade for no reason [joke]). That one other time was the night before the day before I started sophomore year of high school. A few of my friends and I had siphoned some liquor from her parents liquor cabinet, which was literally three industrialsized shelves that took up a quarter of her basement. I always thought they just had that much booze because they were rich, but in retrospect, I think it was because they were rich alcoholics. Anyway, we would take a water bottle and just put a mixture of liquor in it. We didn’t want to have an obvious decrease in the bottles. So I think my bottle contained a liquid cornucopia of gin, vodka, sangria, champagne and god only knows what else, possibly some paint thinner. I probably had a third of it filled up. We were hanging out in the basement listening to Spice Girls and getting loaded, like the cool kids we were, when my one friend left to go pick someone else up. I sat in the basement with another friend, Melissa, and looked at her and said “So, do you think I should just finish the rest of this water bottle before they get back?” To which Melissa replied immediately “Yes”. To which I then stupidly did. Needless to say I blacked out the rest of the night, woke up the next morning laying face down on the basement floor, my pants soaking wet, a vomit filled garbage can tipped over next to my head, and my friends all glaring at me because I had broken a lamp and drew all over the walls in red lipstick.

Now I don’t want to give off the impression that I’m some reckless, raging, drunkard. Sure I’ve had my fair share of blacked out nights, and troublesome moments but I like to think it’s just a part of growing up and a learning process for some people. I have a good life. Nothing to really complain about. I have a college degree that has landed me the dreadfully boring and lame job I’m at now. Administrative Assistant, a.k.a. File Clerk/Bookkeeper, Corporate Slave. I’m in a department that has nothing to do with what I went to school for, but that’s another postt: Communications Degree.